This will be a short post. I’m watching two beautiful brown women scream Ludacris lyrics at the top of their lungs and laughing while I type. I know they have their struggles and things they worry over but right now, they look like the very embodiment of happiness. They’re dancing and free and I can’t stay away from this too long.
I’ve been smiling and laughing for what feels like every waking moment since before my birthday .I’ve been very bad about writing the past few days because my partner snatched me away for a weekend getaway that snowballed into days of unmitigated joy (my sleeping hours are something completely different).
Before I met these women I thought, my sexuality was a secret aside. Some quirk I had to reveal months in when it was necessary. “Hey, just so you know, I snore. Hey, just so you know I’m queer.” I’ve always had this partition between most women I befriended, afraid I’d gross them out, afraid if I got too close I’d repeat the moments in my childhood that taught me to only nurse attractions to men. I didn’t even know how alone I was.
And then the moment when I sat in a house full of women like me. The ease I felt. How good it felt to say “my girlfriend, my woman.” and to hear other women say those same words.
They looked like me.
They loved like me.
Seeing women like me so apologetically themselves, so determined to be happy and loved, so secure in themselves has done wonders for my soul. It’s made my resolve to be happy that much stronger.